Johann Cruyff

Continuing (allegedly) on the football theme, I caught a favourite Super Furry Animals lyric on the train tonight. From their obscure but winningly out-there tune "Smokin'" comes this gem:-

"Gonna manage my time just like Johann Cruyff
If we do it together we've got meaning of life"

So. How does one manage one's time just like Johann Cruyff? It's bothered me for a while now, and I have a few options which seem suitable...

1. [The SFA's approach]. Write good tunes, always appear stoned and terminally Welsh while effortlessly churning out another genius album/dvd/remix project and slowly take over the UK pop landscape by stealth. Huzzah!

2. [Only if you're Dutch]. Captain your country to the World Cup Final while playing some of the best football the world has ever seen. Wear orange. Beat defenders so skilfully that they name a turn after you. Later in life, chainsmoke while guiding Barcelona to many trophies.

3. [The mere mortals approach]. Enter a local newsagent. Pick up a pint of milk, drop it, and then flick it with your instep between your legs onto the counter. This may take time and much training, but assuming the proprietor doesn't start shouting at you and accusing you of having carnal knowledge of mental patients, it will pay off. Instant karmic kudos. You may now chainsmoke.

4. [The zen approach]. Don't do anything as crude as actually kicking a football (or a pint of milk). Instead ask yourself at every tricky juncture "What would Johann Cruyff do?" I myself favour this option, and it's amazing how many times bringing on an extra holding midfielder has helped me catch the train in the morning, or complete the crossword. I also find reverting to a 4-4-2 formation works wonders for the washing up.

Johann Cruyff is 68.

Mod out.